Older women need younger men
Long ago in a wiser age, an
Indian tribe
once employed a unique and enviable marital
system: a young tribesman
-- no older than 21 years of age -- married a
woman no younger than 35.
The marriage lasted about 20 years and ended with
the death of the
spouse (which, of course, is how all good
relationships end).
After a period of mourning, the
Indian
brave -- now a ripe 41-year-old -- took a new wife
some 15 to 20 years
his junior. When he died, his 40-year-old
widow took a young
stud for her husband and continued the cycle. In
this way, the elders
would teach the young and the youth?
The youth weren't wasted on the
young. Not in that tribe.
It may be a system whose time has
come
again. More and more you see older women with
younger men. What's
caused this phenomenon? Is it a testament to the
increased independence
of women? Is it the result of their newly found
political and economic
powers?
Or did they just now figure out
that young
sinewy flesh, healthy tans, and steel-belted
erections were a good thing?
Hard to say. Age is largely a
state of
mind, although only people over 40 say that. I'm
over 40. But if I met
the right woman I like to think I could premature
ejaculate again.
Maybe women seek younger men
because there
aren't enough single men in the over-35 category.
Or maybe the older
men are seeing younger women. Or maybe there's
just a shitload of young
guys out there. Do the math. There's no war, hence
no draft, therefore
a surplus of men under the age of 30. Supply and
demand economics have
once again influenced the dating market.
Me? I'm all for older women and
younger
men. I endorse it, applaud it, would pay good
money to watch it. Older
women who date younger men likely will find both
advantages and
disadvantages with the arrangement
I'd be more then happy to list
them for
you:
- Younger men can often orgasm
four or
five times in one night -- often within 20
minutes time.
- Younger men usually have no
problem
producing an erection -- and do so without the
benefit of sexual aids
such as Ben Gay or doorjambs.
- Younger men who go after older
women
are often more mature than other men their age
-- just make sure they
don't drink beer with your son.
- Younger men are generally
better
looking than older men -- they might be better
looking than you.
- Younger men are more likely to
tell
other younger men all about you. In a few
months, you'll have
truckloads of younger men to choose from.
- Younger men are easy to find.
They
congregate at discos, night clubs, hamburger
stands, and high school
parking lots.
- Many younger men have tight,
rubbery
skin and lean, flexible muscles. They enjoy an
endless amount of energy
and stamina. Try not to hurt yourself.
- Younger men don't usually have
a lot of
baggage from past relationships, so they'll be
more than happy to carry
yours.
- Younger men are obsessed with
sex, just
like older women.
- Younger men tend to be
squeamish about
licking pussy, so make sure you use good strong
knots.
If you are a younger man, here
are some of
the advantages and disadvantages of being with an
older woman. Listen:
- Older women tend to be more
possessive
than younger women. Think well on this before
you allow yourself to be
handcuffed to her bed.
- Older women have more money to
spend on
you, but they will bill you for it if you try to
get out of the
relationship.
- Older women often have young
daughters
who will no longer consider you fair game,
unless you live in Los
Angeles.
- Older women know lots and lots
of
lawyers.
- Older women can often come
four or five
times in just half an hour -- like you.
- Older women often have young
sons who
will no longer consider you fair game, unless
you live in San Francisco.
- Older women can teach a
younger man
many new and exotic sexual techniques, which
will come in handy when
you finally return to younger women.
- Older women can be very
demanding, but
they usually carry their own vibrators.
- Older women often want to take
control
during the sexual act. Let them.
- Older women are more likely to
have
read this column than you, you illiterate swine.
- Older women may become
unusually
possessive if the affair endures beyond three or
four encounters, so
never give them your real name.
I am no longer a young man, since
I'm well
over the age of 35. The good news: like many of
us, I got better with
age. Just not at sex.
But I can remember being a
younger man and
a lover of older women. The secret? Start at an
early age.
If you are a younger man and
you're
interested in taking advantage of your youthful
window of opportunity,
here's how to meet and seduce an older woman.
- Never, ever admit to an older
woman
that you've seen the movie The Graduate.
- Hang around boutiques and
outdoor
cafes. Also a good way to meet gay men. Don't be
alarmed. Gay men
attract more women than Harlequin romances.
- Always wear a white shirt (for
purity),
dark slacks (for maturity) and an open collar,
no tie. Older women LOVE
waiters.
- Never ask if she's married.
She'll feel
self-conscious no matter how she answers.
- Let her do the talking. Be
polite.
Answer her questions briefly and concisely.
Stare at her breasts, lick
your lips and see if she looks for the bulge in
your slacks. Don't
worry if you're not hard yet. If she's looking
for a bulge, she'll find
something.
- Tell her she's very
attractive, but
never, ever add "for your age."
- If she brings up the subject
of age,
tell her it doesn't matter to you. Tell her it's
the person that
counts. Lie if you have to.
- If things reach an awkward
standstill,
blurt out "God, I'd like to know you better."
She'll be charmed by your
ingenuousness.
- Then again, maybe she won't
be.
In fact, all my advice sucks.
Just wing
it. Odds are she'll want you just because you're
young.
Above all... wear sunscreen.
* * *
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This column aims to be
funny. If
you can read anything else into it, you're on your
own. Copyright 1997
by Mike Jasper.
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