Thanks for the mammaries

I didn't see this coming.

Apparently some men like to breast feed. News to me. Don't get me wrong. I've sucked many a breast in my lifetime, but I always assumed it was a non-goal-oriented activity. You know. Like jacking off on speed.

Guess not. According to a survey conducted by an infrequently-visited website known only to attract losers, lunatics and pranksters, 17 out of 30 married men love the taste of mother's milk.

"Hmmm. Tastes like chicken."

Seven men said they didn't like breast milk and five said they could take it or leave it.

"Got any beer? No? That's all right. Just give me a little titty juice then."

Hell, maybe I'd like it too, if I ever tried a swig. But I never will. Why? For the same reason I won't eat a cockroach in Ethiopia: Someone needs it way more than I do.

But that's me, the fuckin' humanist.

I do like to watch breast feeding, though, especially in public. First, they never charge. Second, I don't have to trespass.

Two more reasons come to mind: 1) It's the last time we're going to see those gohanzas at their best and 2) When baby's sucking booby, his little baby mouth is shut.

I go to restaurants a lot, at least three times a week, and I can tell you for a fact we're in the middle of another baby boom. At least there's a baby boom in Southwest Austin. Babies everywhere. Little fuckin' miracles on little fuckin' miracle-making laps.

Maybe I'm bitter cause I can't have babies. By court order.

Despite all the babies here, I have yet to see one occasion of public breast feeding in Texas. Not one. When I lived in northern California, I saw public breast feeding nearly every summer weekend. Many times, actual babies were involved.

What I don't get to see in Texas only aggravates what I'm forced to hear: Babies crying and screaming in restaurants. Constantly. Consistently. Cacophonously. Where are the tits, I think, where are the fuckin' tits?

Cause breast feeding in public doesn't make me feel awkward. No way. Just being in public does that. I made a conscious decision a long time ago to accept public breast feeding as a natural part of life, like cock sucking in X-rated movie theatres and peeing in bar-room alleys. I never feel embarrassed about breast feeding, ever. I just stare. And lick my lips. Occasionally raise my eyebrows and grin. If inspired, I do the Pacino voice.

"Hoo-waa! Look at the cha-chas on that mother! Move the baby a little to the left so I can snap this."

Yeah, I'm pro breast feeding all right. Pro choice, I figure. And if hubbie wants to get into the act, who am I to fault him? After all, I used to like the stuff myself when I was young.

Or so I'm told.

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