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Jaspersongs
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I'm
healthy, drug free and bored beyond belief
Thank god I'm healthy now.
Six years ago, I suffered a heart attack. Six weeks ago I wrote about
it. Or was it 12 weeks, I forget, but fortunately the myocardial
infarction (look it up) didn't affect my brain. I think.
Too bad I got tripped up by my errant ticker, because I was hoping to
be the next Bukowski, the next Keith Richards. And damn if I
wasn't
succeeding for a while—drinking booze, smoking cigarettes, swearing
like a sailor, womanizing like a Sheen, and all the while churning out
columns and songs.
Then one day while doing yard work, I was struck down in my prime and
didn't even have the courtesy to die. Just a damn heart attack. That's
what I get for doing yard work.
So I gave up yard work. Then cigarettes. And finally, drugs (no, I'm
not counting beer). I figured that was enough.
Now I'm healthy and drug free. Sort of. I lift weights, and I do cardio
nearly every day. I take Levothyroxin for my thyroid and a couple of
blood pressure pills. Nothing heavy, just Metoprolol and Benicar. Oh,
and Lipitor, I take Lipitor for cholesterol, and a little aspirin to
work as a blood thinner, but that's about it.
Maybe some caffeine to get me moving in the morning too, and what kind
of guy would I be if I didn't try Cialis once in a while. Or daily. So
I've got thyroid, cholesterol, blood pressure, blood thinner and boner
pills, but no other medications.
Unless you count supplements. I like a combo of L-Arginine and
Piperizine for a pre-workout pick me up, and a little Ephederine with
my morning cup of coffee helps keep me thin, too.
Some people believe Tribulus will give you a nice testosterone boost,
and who am I to disagree with them? So I pop one of those a day, and
you can't go wrong with a multi-vitamin, just to be on the safe side.
That's it.
Except for the joint supplements. My two favorites are Glucosamine and
Chondroitin, and if you want to make sure your anti-oxidants are in
place, you should probably bolster your immune system with some D3, E
and vitamin C tablets.
Of course, if you're really serious about building muscles, you'll want
to add some protein power and Creatine to the mix, so I do.
Anyway, thank god I'm healthy and drug free now. Think of the money I
save.
STANDARD DISCLAIMER:
This column aims to be funny. If you can read anything else into it,
you're on your own.
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Mike Jasper
is a writer and musician living in Austin, Texas.
Originally
from the San Francisco Bay Area, he claims strong ties to Seattle, St.
Petersburg, Florida and North Platte, Nebraska.
jasper2atmikejasperdotcom
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