ConstantCommentary® Vol. XII, No. 172, January 27, 2011



I'm healthy, drug free and bored beyond belief

Thank god I'm healthy now.

Six years ago, I suffered a heart attack. Six weeks ago I wrote about it. Or was it 12 weeks, I forget, but fortunately the myocardial infarction (look it up) didn't affect my brain. I think.

Too bad I got tripped up by my errant ticker, because I was hoping to be the next Bukowski, the next  Keith Richards. And damn if I wasn't succeeding for a while—drinking booze, smoking cigarettes, swearing like a sailor, womanizing like a Sheen, and all the while churning out columns and songs.

Then one day while doing yard work, I was struck down in my prime and didn't even have the courtesy to die. Just a damn heart attack. That's what I get for doing yard work.

So I gave up yard work. Then cigarettes. And finally, drugs (no, I'm not counting beer). I figured that was enough.

Now I'm healthy and drug free. Sort of. I lift weights, and I do cardio nearly every day. I take Levothyroxin for my thyroid and a couple of blood pressure pills. Nothing heavy, just Metoprolol and Benicar. Oh, and Lipitor, I take Lipitor for cholesterol, and a little aspirin to work as a blood thinner, but that's about it.

Maybe some caffeine to get me moving in the morning too, and what kind of guy would I be if I didn't try Cialis once in a while. Or daily. So I've got thyroid, cholesterol, blood pressure, blood thinner and boner pills, but no other medications.

Unless you count supplements. I like a combo of L-Arginine and Piperizine for a pre-workout pick me up, and a little Ephederine with my morning cup of coffee helps keep me thin, too.

Some people believe Tribulus will give you a nice testosterone boost, and who am I to disagree with them? So I pop one of those a day, and you can't go wrong with a multi-vitamin, just to be on the safe side. That's it.

Except for the joint supplements. My two favorites are Glucosamine and Chondroitin, and if you want to make sure your anti-oxidants are in place, you should probably bolster your immune system with some D3, E and vitamin C tablets.

Of course, if you're really serious about building muscles, you'll want to add some protein power and Creatine to the mix, so I do.

Anyway, thank god I'm healthy and drug free now. Think of the money I save.

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STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This column aims to be funny. If you can read anything else into it, you're on your own.




Mike Jasper is a writer and musician living in Austin, Texas.

Originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, he claims strong ties to Seattle, St. Petersburg, Florida and North Platte, Nebraska.


© 2011 by Mike Jasper, All Rights Reserved. ConstantCommentary® is published whenever Mike Jasper feels like it. All material is the responsibility of the author.