ConstantCommentary® Vol. XII, No. 175, March 12, 2011

Mike Jasper at 56



See how it is with me?
(... my new catch phrase)

Here's how it is with me.

I'm driving home after a night of cocktails at some party or club, I can't remember, it's not important, so please... let it go.

Anyway, I turn left onto my street when a large dog comes running toward the car. Amazingly, he crashes into the driver's side, my side.

It gets better. The dog literally does a back flip, but he's okay. And he kind of looks like my old dog Debo (RIP), floppy eared and pit-bull like. After he flips, I see the dog take off like a rocket down a side street.

"I better follow that dog and make sure he's not hurt," I tell my female companion. "We might have to get him to the hospital."

In my world, all dogs are male, all cats are female.

I take off after the dog in my car as he's barreling down the side street. I soon realize that 1) this dog has just been hit by a car, and 2) now the car that hit him is chasing his ass down the street. Not good.

What could I do? He seemed all right, he was running fast, but what if he had internal injuries? I needed to keep tracking the terrified beast.

The dog quickly hung a left into a cul de sac. Now I'll be able to find him, I thought, but no. When I turned left into the circle, he was no where to be found. I got out of the car and called for him, but nothing.

Great. "Sure hope the little guy's all right," I said to my companion.

We pulled into the driveway and I let go with a deep breath. "Wow," I said. "Can you believe that? Did you see him do that back flip? That was unbelievable."

The woman turned from me and stared straight ahead. "Jasper," she said. "I didn't see any dog."

See how it is with me?

Okay, I'm working on a new catch phrase. What do you think? It's slightly different from my old one, See what I did there?

Of course, I've had many throughout the years. Talk To The Hand in the '90s, Just Do It! in the '80s, Where's The Beef during the late '70s. But they get old after a while.

See how it is with me?

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STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This column aims to be funny. If you can read anything else into it, you're on your own.




Mike Jasper is a writer and musician living in Austin, Texas.

Originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, he claims strong ties to Seattle, St. Petersburg, Florida and North Platte, Nebraska.


© 2011 by Mike Jasper, All Rights Reserved. ConstantCommentary® is published whenever Mike Jasper feels like it. All material is the responsibility of the author.