Is cool!
(My name is Oscar Rabinowitz, I live in Sebastopol, California
with wife, Sylvia Rabinowitz who I meet in America and merry.
I have job at 7-11, thanks to master degree in business from
Universe City of Pakistan, wish now has atom bomb. My favorite
American espression is cool! Thankyouverymuch for Mike Jasper
who give me chance and desine page for me. Have question? Write
me at assoscar@hotmail.com).
_____________________
Dear Oscar,
You say that you have been there "two
American years." Are American Years
longer or shorter than Pakistani years?
Ron Perrin
Sydney Australia (Adopters of the Julian Calendar)
Dear Ron,
American years shorter than Pakistani years.
As saying goes, time flys when having good time!
_______________________
Dear Oscar,
You be one seriously seriously sad sucker.
You be one seriously seriously seriously sad
sucker.
Get more sleep.
Lots more sleep.
Lots and lots more sleep.
Lots and lots and lots more sleep.
PLEASE.
Larry McDonald, California
Dear Larry,
You keep writing, I sleep long time.
_______________________
Dear Oscar,
Your column reminds me of Moon River.
Mike Davis, Austin, Texas
Dear Mike,
I think I know you! You five over from top.
I'm sure I seen you befor. I never for get face.
___________________
Dear Oscar,
If smoking is bad for you, how come so many people
do?
Dima, Montreal, Canada
Dear Dima,
Do what?
______________________
Dear Oscar,
So tell me, Oscar, is Rabinowitz a traditional
Pakistani name? Come to think of it, is Oscar a traditional
Pakistani name?
Ross Summers, Austin, Texas
Dear Ross,
I take lass name Rabinowitz after merry wife,
Sylvia Rabinowitz. I take name Oscar form hot dog rapper.
___________________
Dear Oscar,
Is Mike Jasper finally admitting that he ran
out of ideas several hundred columns ago and is now stooping
to ripping of the beloved Apu of "The Simpsons?"
Who's the next guest columnist going to be, Barney Gumbel?
Or maybe Moe?
Ross Summers, Austin, Texas
Dear Ross,
Whoo-boy! You ass a lots of questions. I email
Jasper and ass what he things. He email back and say, "Blow
me." Is cool!
_________________
Dear Oscar,
I`ve got to tell ya something.
1) You suck.
2) Go back to Pakistan. Don`t fucking ask why. Please DON'T.
3) Before you do that, you can tell me how many blowjobs did
Jasper receive from you.
4) Be honest, don`t worry, I`ve heard such things.
5) One thing is for sure - you look much better than Jasper.
6) He use to call you Karin (you can run but you cannot hide).
7) Fuck you!!!
Todor, Bombay, India
Dear Todor,
See now why Pakistan needs bomb?
___________________
Dear Oscar,
Do you ever have sexual fantasies about men?
What about camels?
Atticus, Atlanta
Dear Atticus,
No fantasy about the mens. No camels either,
Marlburros.
__________________
Dear Oscar,
I've always wanted to write my own column
on the Internet. Do you have any advice?
J.D., Atlanta
Dear J.D.,
Is easy! Jasper ass me to write this column
and say he will help. Since he has more experienced, I email
him and ass.
He email back and say, "Yeah, I've got
some advice. Get a fuckin' job."
Is cool!
____________________
Dear Oscar,
How long have you lived in the United States?
I've been thinking of making the long trip across the Atlantic
myself. Is it worth leaving your friends and family? Is America
really the land of opportunity the Yanks claim it to be?
M. Mullen, Dublin, Ireland
Dear M. Mullen,
I live in this country two American years
now. Is cool! I make lots of frends and merry girl so I can stay.
I ass Jasper what he things. He email back and say, "Get
a fuckin' job, Mick."
I dont no how he know your first name.
____________________
Dear Oscar,
What does your wife do for a living?
Amanda Gurlick, Santa Fe, New Mexico
Dear Amanda,
She high school jim teacher.
____________________
Dear Oscar,
How did you learn to speak English?
Esubio, El Paso, Texas
Dear Esubio,
Is easy! I wash David Letterman show. He has
too guys who travel America. I learn from them. Them and Jake
Jo Johnson. I to want to travel America. Maybe on David Letterman
show.
____________________
Dear Oscar,
Can you give advice on how to pick up the
womens?
Sergio Slovotnic, Manhattan, New York
Dear Sergio,
Is not easy. Depend on how much they weigh.
Ha! I make American joke. Meeting women not hard for me. I meet
wife at convenient store where I work. She come in every day
and order same thing, six packs of Pepsi and hot dog.
One day she come in for hot dog and I slip
her the weenie. Ha! Joke agan.
You need to get off on computer and get out.
Go to store, go to laundrymat, go to bar. Women has to eat, to
wash, to drink. Or read personally ads. Women has to advertise.
To find mens like us. Is true!
____________________
Dear Oscar,
I just found out my boyfriend, Travis, is
seeing my best friend, Rhonda. It gets worse. Rhonda told me
she only saw Travis because she's in love with me and wants us
all to get together as a threesome. Meanwhile, I just found out
I'm pregnant. I've tried to talk to my family about this, but
my mom's always working down to the bar and my daddy's in jail.
What should I do?
Debbie S., Mobilehome, Alabama
Dear Debbie,
Whoo-boy. This very, very hard question so
I email Jasper. He email back and say you should call Jerry Springer,
AA and COPS, in that odor. He also say you could sell your kid
on Ebay, for he cares. Hope that helps. We both care.
____________________
Dear Oscar,
What's the proper way to use aluminum siding?
Tom Duwayne Crockett, North Platte, Nebraska
Dear Tom,
Never use aluminum sliding. Is dangerous!
Could cut you, leave marks. Better to use water and plastic.
Or better yet, use water sliding at pool. Is cool!
(Got a question you
need answer? Write me, Oscar Rabinowitz, at assoscar@hotmail.com.)
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